Deuteronomy 28

Blessings for Obedience

1 If you fully listen to the Lord your God and do everything He tells you, He is going to lift you high above every nation on the map.

2 All these blessings going to chase you down and catch you if you listen to God.

3 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the field.

4 Your kids, your crops, your animals, all of it is going to be blessed.

5 Your basket and your kitchen, blessed.

6 Wherever you go, whatever you do, blessed coming in and blessed going out.

7 Enemies that try to step to you, God is going to make them scatter seven different ways.

8 God is going to bless your hustle and everything you touch. He is going to set it off in the land He is giving you.

9 If you walk right and stay loyal, You are going to be known as God’s holy people.

10 Everybody going to see you blessed and know you belong to the Most High.

11 God is going to give you overflow, in kids, animals, and land.

12 He is going to open heaven’s vault and pour out rain on your land. You will lend to others but never borrow.

13 You will be the head, not the tail. Up top, not at the bottom, If you stay locked in to His commandments.

14 Do not turn left or right or chase fake gods, Or else these blessings cut off.

Curses for Disobedience

15 But if you do not listen to God and do not do what He said, All these curses going to come for you.

16 You will be cursed in the city, cursed in the field.

17 Your basket and your kitchen, cursed.

18 Your kids, your crops, and your animals, cursed.

19 You will be cursed coming in, cursed going out.

20 God is going to send confusion, curse, and frustration in everything you try to do, Until it all falls apart, because you turned away.

21 He is going to let disease stick to you till you gone from the land.

22 You will get hit with fever, sickness, drought, and disaster, Everything drying up and falling apart.

23 The sky over your head going to feel like iron. The ground under you like bronze.

24 God is going to turn your rain into dust and dirt, It will fall from the sky till you wiped out.

25 Your enemies are going to smack you up and you are going to run scared, They are going to clown you in every nation.

26 Your body going to be left out for the birds and wild animals, Nobody going to scare them away.

27 God is going to hit you with the same diseases Egypt had, Skin rashes, tumors, and madness.

28 He is going to strike you with blindness and confusion.

29 You will be feeling around in daylight like it is pitch black. You will catch L’s all day, and nobody going to help.

30 You will be engaged to a woman, but another man going to sleep with her. You will build a house, but will not live in it. Plant a vineyard, but will not get a sip.

31 Your ox gets snatched and never returns. Your donkey taken right in front of you. Your sheep gone, and nobody helps.

32 Your sons and daughters get taken, You will look for them till your eyes hurt, but they are gone.

33 Outsiders going to eat your crops. You will watch it happen and be powerless.

34 You are going to lose your mind watching all this.

35 God is going to hit your knees and legs with sores, From your feet to the top of your head.

36 God is going to send you and your king to a foreign land. There, you will worship fake gods, wood and stone.

37 You will be a joke, a byword, and a warning to the nations.

38 You will plant plenty of seeds, But harvest little, because locusts going to eat it up.

39 You will plant vineyards and work hard, But you will not drink wine or enjoy it, because worms going to wreck it.

40 You will have olive trees everywhere, But no oil, because the olives going to drop off.

41 You will have sons and daughters, But they will get taken. You will not keep them.

42 Locusts going to eat up all your trees and land.

43 The foreigners in your hood going to rise up, You will be down low while they climb.

44 They will lend to you, but you will not lend to them. They the head, you the tail.

More Curses for Turning Away from God

45 All these curses are going to chase you down and stick to you until you are done, because you did not listen to God or keep His commands.

46 They are going to be a sign, a warning tattooed on you and your kids forever.

47 You did not serve God with joy when you had it good…

48 So now you are going to serve your enemies, In hunger, thirst, naked, and broke. They are going to put a yoke on your neck ‘til they break you.

49 God is going to bring a nation from far away, fast like an eagle, A language you do not even understand.

50 They cold-blooded, do not care about the old or the young.

51 They are going to eat everything you got, crops, animals, all that, ‘til you are starving and empty.

52 They will press you in from all sides, tear down your walls, You are going to feel trapped in your own hood.

53 Things going to get so bad, you will eat your own kids just to survive. (Real famine, no food, no mercy.)

54 The softest man, who used to chill and not lift a finger, He is going to get grimy and selfish.

55 He will not share with his own wife or kids, He holding on to whatever he got left.

56 Even the gentle, classy woman who never touched dirt with her feet, She is going to turn savage.

57 She will hide food and even eat afterbirth or her own baby Just to stay alive during the siege.

Total Collapse for Turning Your Back on God

58 If you do not follow every word of this law and respect God’s holy name,

59 God is going to hit you with epic plagues, long and painful, And strike your kids too.

60 He will bring back all the Egyptian diseases, The ones you feared, and let them land on you.

61 In fact, any sickness or plague not even written here, God is going to drop it on you ‘til you gone.

62 You all started out numerous like the stars, But now you are going to be just a few, because you did not listen to the Lord.

63 Just like He used to rejoice over blessing you, He is going to now let destruction hit you the same way.

64 God is going to scatter you all across nations, Where you will worship fake gods, wood and stone, ones you and your ancestors never knew.

65 You will not find any peace. Your heart going to be shook, eyes tired, soul drained.

66 You will feel like death hanging over you 24/7. No trust, no security.

67 In the morning you will say, “Man, I wish it was nighttime.” At night you will say, “Man, I wish it was morning.” That is how scared and shook you are going to be.

68 Then the Lord going to send you back to Egypt in ships, A place He said you would never return to, and there, you will try to sell yourselves as slaves… But nobody going to even want you.