2 Samuel 20

New Drama, Same Throne

1 There was a troublemaker named Sheba, son of Bichri, a real slick talker from Benjamin. He blew a trumpet and said, “Forget David! We do not owe him nothing! Everybody from Israel, bounce!”

2 So all the tribes of Israel left David and followed Sheba. But the folks from Judah stuck with David, from the Jordan River all the way back to Jerusalem.

David Back Home

3 When David got back to the palace, he took the ten concubines he left behind and put them in a house under guard. He took care of them, but never slept with them again. They lived like widows the rest of their lives.

The King Moves Quick

4 David told Amasa, “Round up Judah’s army for me, you got three days.”

5 Amasa went to do it, but he took longer than he was supposed to.

6 So David said to Abishai, “We cannot let Sheba do what Absalom did. He will bring more heat. Go after him now before he hides in a city and we lose him.”

7 So Joab’s men, the Cherethites, Pelethites, and the warriors rolled out with Abishai to chase Sheba.

Joab Murks Amasa

8 At the big rock in Gibeon, Amasa finally showed up. Joab came out to meet him, wearing his battle gear with a dagger hidden in his belt.

9 Joab said, “What is good, bro?” and grabbed Amasa by the beard like he was giving a kiss.

10 But Joab pulled the dagger and stabbed Amasa in the gut, his guts spilled out right there. Joab did not hit him again, one shot did it. Then he and Abishai went after Sheba.

11 One of Joab’s soldiers stood over Amasa’s body and shouted, “If you down with Joab and King David, follow Joab!”

12 Amasa lay in a pool of blood in the middle of the road. When folks saw him, they stopped in shock. So they dragged his body off the road and covered it with a cloth.

13 Once that was done, everybody kept moving with Joab to chase Sheba.

Sheba Hides in a City

14 Sheba went through all the tribes of Israel, gathering people, and ended up in Abel of Beth-maacah. That is where he posted up.

15 Joab’s crew surrounded the city and started breaking down the walls to get to him.

A Wise Woman Steps In

16 A wise woman from the city shouted, “Listen! Tell Joab I want to talk!”

17 Joab came up. She said, “You Joab,” He said, “Yeah.” She said, “Listen to your girl.” Joab said, “I am listening.”

18 She said, “This city’s known for wisdom and peace. Why are you trying to destroy it?”

19 “We are loyal to Israel. You tryna wipe out God’s inheritance. Why destroy a city like this?”

20 Joab said, “Nah, I am not tryna destroy it. That is not the move.”

21 “But there is a man named Sheba in there, he raised his hand against the king. Hand him over, and we out.” The woman said, “Cool. His head will be over that wall soon.”

22 She went to the people with her wisdom, and they chopped Sheba’s head off and tossed it over the wall to Joab. Joab blew the trumpet, battle over. Everybody went home. Joab went back to Jerusalem to the king.

David’s Leadership Team

23 Joab was over the army. Benaiah led the special forces.

24 Adoram ran forced labor. Jehoshaphat was the recorder.

25 Sheva was the royal scribe. Zadok and Abiathar were priests.

26 Ira the Jairite was David’s priest.